More About Mediation

In my last post about mediation I explained that, in Kalamazoo County, mediation typically occurs near the end of a divorce case. I believe many parties would be wise to engage a mediator soon after their case is filed.

In Michigan, we have minimum waiting periods before a divorce can be final – six months from the time of filing if you have minor children; two months if you don’t. Often, issues like parenting time, child support, spousal support, payment of bills or who will move out of the house can’t wait six, or even two, months. If you and your spouse can’t reach an agreement on these interim issues, you will have to go to court to ask the judge to establish the rules by which you and your family will live while your divorce is pending. The more you fight about, the more your divorce will cost. I believe mediation is a better alternative for a number of reasons:

First, it will cost less. That doesn’t make sense at first. If you are paying one more person – probably another attorney – how could it cost less? A typical negotiation works like this: You need something to happen. You contact your attorney. Your attorney contacts your spouse’s attorney. Your spouse’s attorney contacts your spouse. Your spouse’s attorney contacts your attorney. Your attorney contacts you with an answer. You don’t like the answer. You give your attorney another possibility. Your attorney contacts your spouse’s attorney. Your spouse’s attorney contacts your spouse. Your spouse’s attorney gets back to your attorney. Your attorney contacts you. And on and on and on.

Some issues warrant that type of effort. Most issues – especially interim issues – don’t. At early mediation, you and your spouse meet with a mediator. The negotiation occurs in one exchange – not over several days of four people calling, writing and going back and forth. You share the cost of the mediator, whose hourly rate might be less than the hourly rate for one of your attorneys. (You can have your attorney attend mediation with you or you can attend without your attorney with the understanding that no agreement is final until you have had a chance to talk it over with him or her. Some people use their attorney as a resource for information about the law and possible outcomes.) An issue that could take several days or weeks to resolve in the traditional way can be resolved in an hour or less if you and your spouse are able to have a face-to-face discussion in a controlled environment.

Second, you will probably continue to have a relationship of some nature with your spouse long after the divorce is over – especially if you have children together. A divorce proceeding is nothing more than a series of solving problems. If you begin with a very adversarial approach, it will be hard to change directions as the divorce proceeds. The divorce process damages your relationship even more and by the time the divorce is final it will be next to impossible to find any sort of common ground with your ex-spouse. Alternatively, with the help of a skilled mediator, you can start building a communication style with your soon-to-be ex-spouse that is collaborative and focused on meeting your common goals and the needs of your family. It won’t be easy at first and it certainly won’t be perfect, but you will find that, as you tackle an issue at a time, you become more skilled at negotiating with your spouse and solving problems fairly and reasonably. Many parties begin with early mediation to address the interim issues then keep going, dealing with an issue at a time, until they have their entire case resolved. Early mediation not only sets the tone for how your case will proceed, but begins to build a foundation for an easier, more constructive relationship long after your divorce is over.

If you would like to learn more about early mediation, call my office (269.344.5111) and set up an initial consultation to determine if early mediation is right for you.