I’m back to blogging after a fun, too short, summer.
If you are considering divorce, no doubt you have heard or read something about mediation. Mediation is either entered into voluntarily or it is ordered by the court. In Kalamazoo and many other counties in Michigan divorcing parties are ordered to attempt to resolve their case through mediation before they can have a trial in front of a judge. This blog entry will explain court-ordered mediation.
Different mediators have different training and different styles, but the goal of all mediation is the same: to help the parties reach a settlement on all of the issues in dispute and AVOID turning decisions about their money, their kids and the rest of their lives over to a judge. Despite the temporary insanity caused by divorce, most people remain sane enough to want to maintain some control over the outcome of their case.
A typical mediation in Kalamazoo County occurs toward the end of your case. If you have kids, you must wait six months before your divorce can be final. If you don’t have kids, the waiting period is two months. Mediation typically occurs toward the end of the waiting period.
At court-ordered mediation, you and your attorneys will meet with a third person, usually an attorney, who is also a mediator. The mediator will talk with all of you in varying combinations, sometimes separating each side – you and your attorney in one room; your spouse and his or her attorney in another – at times talking to just the attorneys and at times talking to everyone in the same room. A successful mediation will create an outcome that is fair to both parties. Neither party will feel like a winner and neither party will feel like a loser.
Mediation is preferable to a court imposed decision for many reasons: You know more about your assets, debts and kids than a judge could ever know in a day or two of trial. You know what will work best for you and your family. You and your spouse are the architects of a mediated decision. A decision after a trial is not your own – it’s imposed on you. A trial will inevitably involve some degree of “mud-slinging” and makes winning, rather than fairness, the ultimate goal. Your private history is splashed out in a public forum for all to see and the hard feelings engendered by a trial can linger for years. Just when it’s most important to re-define your relationship and work together for the benefit of your kids; a trial can leave you and your spouse licking your wounds and more alienated than ever from one another.
I think mediation is the best way to settle your case and I steer clear of clients who want to sit in a witness box and tell the world how bad their spouse is. Whether I’m acting as mediator or an attorney for one of the parties, I always find a successful mediation rewarding. My only complaint about court-ordered mediation is that it doesn’t happen soon enough. I’ll talk about the benefits of early mediation in another entry.
